man. i hate flights(though this was only for 2 hours). i feel screwed, tired, edgy, irritated, distracted, fuzzy and all their appropriate synonyms. blah. planning the trip in May- so many things to consider, so many things to be done, not much tme left. lectures to webcast and tutorials to do- the usual. same shit different day. making much more money- yes, cny is the best time to do it, plus selling stuff on ebay. violin assessment in 1 week- no comment.
anyway, the bangkok trip was good. getting away from whatever. escapism. its like a drug, once you discover it, the more you desire it. and its never enough. i suppose its good though. to escape, to pretend. sometimes, it makes everything seems easier to deal with and you worry less, are happy more often. me and shoz went to watch the transvies there. some were really convincing. actually i felt sad for them. they have to resort to doing what they are doing to make a living, if you could call showing your body, and having to be leered at by lecherous uncles a living. i mean, what can push someone to such a demeaning level. either you have to be really delusional, or seriously in denial and hence able to separate their lives on street and on stage. but then, i began to think on the contrary. its rather brave actually. to know already once they've made the change, the type of life that they have to lead, the things they would have to put up with and the finality of it all. the moment they under the knife, that's it. their desire have to be so so strong. their wanting for that have to beyond anything i can even begin to imagine. in a certain strange way, i almost admire them. to have such a strong wanting for something must feel incredible.
i guess. ~bigSis (alive and kicking as you see. well, maybe not that kicking)